he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
