i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.