My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.