Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Go christen that room with your naked body.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.