it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"