There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.