ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
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we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
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Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.