Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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