i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
