I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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