If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
