all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
