Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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