I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
