...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
If I had your ass I would rule the world
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
