Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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