I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
