Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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