The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
