I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
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She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
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Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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