I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
