Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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