Too much gin, very little bucket
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
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Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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