Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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