after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
