so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
