Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
