This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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