Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
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You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
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Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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