The maid of honor just puked.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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