woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
