I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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