Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
