i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
