I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
