i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
