I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
