It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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