Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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