I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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