is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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