shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
