Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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