i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We need a shit load of segways right now
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
