HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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