And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
