I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
