I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
