I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
