My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whose parrot is this?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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