i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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