I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
