I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
