You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
