So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
