just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
