Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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