No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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