pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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