Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
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