Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
