No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
