omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
