Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
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He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It's official drugs can't kill me
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
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I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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