I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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