i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that