Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.