FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
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Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
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Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.