Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
