just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
