Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
