I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
